When I graduated college, I didn’t know what I wanted. That feels weird to say because, in a lot of ways, I felt like I did. I wanted to succeed, I wanted to live a full life, and I wanted to take risks. I wanted adventure, my dream job, success, happiness, and control over my life. These vague goals weren’t uncommon – everyone wanted them, and that was the problem. Everyone wants their perfect life, but it’s so rare to get it. There I was, a college graduate, hearing that my next step should be steady, office-based, kind of boring employment… the same thing everyone else did. Well, if everyone wants a perfect life but so few get it, why was I doing the same things everyone else was doing?
There were many reasons to immediately “settle” with lackluster post-grad employment. Some people wanted their first taste of disposable income. They knew that someday they wanted a big house with a big yard and fancy cars. This was their first step on their coveted journey. Other people were destined to take over the “family business,” or at least, the family cubicle. Other people genuinely wanted the jobs they applied for, or majored in something they loved and couldn’t wait to begin. But many people were like me: they took a job because breaking the mold scared them, and they chose comfortable, boring work over a fulfilling career and life.
I rationalized that I simply wasn’t ready for my dreams. I had plausible excuses for why I wasn’t ready to take the risks necessary to succeed, so I “bided my time” for a more perfect future moment.
Spoiler alert: everyone waits for their perfect moment; it doesn’t exist.
My Post-Grad Journey
Working a corporate job wasn’t terrible in the beginning. The work wasn’t very fulfilling, but I at least didn’t work the 80-hour weeks my big Four friends did. I also did small things to make my life more adventurous, like planning a big road trip, going to concerts, and traveling often. However, I’d constantly dream of ways to break out of the 9-5 cycle I was trapped in. I would think up business ideas, projects, and radical ways of life, and convince myself I’d do it right until it came time to execute. Then I’d stop.
Why? Because even though I knew my job wasn’t what I wanted forever, it was just comfortable enough.
I wrote two books to completion with multiple edited drafts, query letters, and synopses, but never published them. I came up with countless business plans, complete with branding, revenue projections, and hours of market research, but I never actually filed my LLC. It was like spending months training to compete in a marathon, only for my mind to give out at mile 25 every time. Either that, or I’d get up to the starting line only to decide that the marathon two months from now would be a better one to do. So I left the starting line altogether.
For whatever reason, that mindset worked for me for so long. In college, I could always put my dreams off for the much-anticipated “post-grad” lifestyle where I could complete what I worked so hard for. But then it came time to apply for jobs and I feared falling behind, so I put my plans on the back burner.
Once post-grad wasn’t everything I wanted, I waited for the much anticipated “real adult” lifestyle where it’d be the perfect time to quit my job and reach into my extremely deep savings account. But yet I am now a “real adult,” and I realized that the perfect time isn’t coming.
But, now is probably a better time than 10 years from now. So, I’m making it work. I’m writing this blog on my couch with my corporate laptop right next to me. I’m writing this blog in my hometown, not on a mountain or a boat. It’s not my perfect situation, but it’s better than doing nothing.
The truth is that the decision to follow or abandon dreams is always going to be complicated. But, that doesn’t mean that giving up is the better option.
The Three Types of Giving Up
Giving up is a complicated word, and it manifests in a myriad of ways. I used to think giving up was cut and dry – you either give up or you keep going. But I’ve learned that’s not necessarily true. I’ve seen three main types of giving up in post-grad life.
1. People who completely gave up
The most obvious form. These are the people who don’t even try anymore. Even if an amazing opportunity came their way, they wouldn’t take it. I know a few people like this. People where, even if their dream job knocked on their door tomorrow, they’d have a reason why they shouldn’t take it. Even if they had the chance to take the vacation they always dreamed of, free of charge, they’d make the excuse that it doesn’t fit into their schedule.
2. People who gave up, but were still open to NOT giving up
these people gave on seeking out their dreams, but maybe they’d consider an opportunity that came knocking. They’ve resigned to the belief that their work and personal life might never be amazing, but it is enough to get by and that’s enough for them. Maybe they’d consider leaving if someone offered them an amazing job, but they wouldn’t take risks to make it happen. In other words, an amazing opportunity has to fall in their lap for them to consider it. They’re never going to do it themselves.
For most of my life, these two options of giving up were the only ones I knew of. But, there’s a third one I didn’t know about until I graduated. In the whir of everyone’s resignation to corporate life, I thought of myself as a stalwart for passion. Yes, I got an office job, but I was “different.” I thought of myself, not as someone who did the same thing as everyone else, but as someone who did the same thing as everyone else temporarily.
I convinced myself that an office job was a necessary but temporary measure before I could go all in on my plans. Yet, year after year, my work life looked exactly like everyone else’s. I was surprised and disappointed because I tricked myself. I made myself feel like hadn’t given up, but I did. This taught me the third type of giving up:
I’m not trying to bag on every single person who works in an office. Some people I know find a lot of passion and fulfillment in their job. They have amazing coworkers, have lots of fun, and make the most of it. They may have extremely fulfilling lives outside of work that require the stability and money that work provides (I’m looking at you, parents). It was just that I knew it wasn’t where I wanted to end up, and I did it anyway.
It took me a while to see what I was doing. Really, I think knew all along, but my ego and concern for validation made me blind to it. But, as the old saying goes, the first step is acceptance. The second step for me was fighting my aversion to risk.
Risk.
Corporate life was supposed to be the responsible thing for me to do. It was what everyone else did, and it made me feel like a failure if I didn’t do it too. Or, I feared I’d go out on my own, fail, and then crawl back to the workforce 5 years behind everyone else. The risk made me uncomfortable.
Eventually, I realized that some risk isn’t even risk. It’s just about circumventing arbitrary rules and seeing through superstition. Not getting an office job is supposed to be the wrong decision, but is that really true? Is settling down and getting a house as early as possible the way to ensure a happy life? What if my dream life revolves around travel, adventure, and creativity… should I give that up just because those aren’t things that “normal” people should spend their adult life doing? Constant travel is for the rich, and creativity is for a lucky few, or so I was told.
I think there’s another option. Maybe all of these rules on what is and isn’t possible only apply if you live like everyone else. There are ways to live a life that prioritizes travel. There is a life where money doesn’t have a stranglehold over you. I think there are options outside of what’s considered “success” in the normal American lifestyle. I started The Otherwhere Project to see if my version of success looks different.
This is The Otherwhere Project
I am setting out to prove that living an unconventional life is possible. Travel, impact, and creativity are why I’m breaking away from the pack, but they don’t need to be yours. This is a community of oddballs and risk-takers. Find out your own convictions and find your community here. Maybe you’re in your mid-twenties like me and you figured out somewhere along the way that you stopped living, and people tried to tell you that was normal. Maybe you know that there’s something better for you, and you just need that next push to go get it.
Hopefully, as you follow my story, you realize that it’s not just possible, but within your grasp to actively live an amazing life. I promise that I’ll be completely honest with you on my journey because I believe honesty is the best source to draw inspiration from. Learn from my mistakes and my successes. I know how scary it is to reject the norm, especially when so much is on the line. My theory is that it’s worth it.
Come along, and we’ll search for Otherwhere together.
