The Many Facets of My Return
This past weekend was my first time in Iowa in three weeks. It was the first time I saw friends and family since I left. Some of those people I talked to almost daily, some I hadn’t heard from since I left.
The reason why I booked this trip home came down to mental health. When I decided to move to Montana, I thought extensively about how to stay mentally healthy before, during, and after my move. One big thing I decided to do was plan a return trip back to Des Moines a few weeks after I left. Countless reasons drove that decision, and in this blog, I’ll go through how it all went, how I felt about going back, and what I learned about myself during my return.
In all the stress and nerves that come with moving so far away, it relieved so much stress to know I planned a weekend trip back to Des Moines. I knew that, if I missed Iowa, didn’t like Montana, or otherwise needed to go back home, I already had a plan to do so.
It helped a lot to say, “I’m moving to Montana, but don’t worry I’ll be back in three weeks.” It helped the change feel less permanent and less stressful.
Another big reason I wanted to come back was because of the Hinterland Music Festival. It’s a Midwest treasure, mostly for people in Iowa, because it’s our one big festival here. In years past, we got a few folk bands and some indie rock artists together, most fairly small, and then a few heavier hitters to headline. It was always a nice weekend where good, mostly recognizable music would play on the main stage and festival-goers could either chill out on the lawn or fight for standing room in the pit.
This summer, however, the majority of performing artists were either damn near household names in the indie/folk space (Hippo Campus, Flipturn, Ethel Cain, Lizzy McAlpine, Orville Peck, The Japanese House, Hans Williams, etc.), or just in the general music scene (Chappell Roan, Noah Kahan, Hozier, Mt. Joy, and Vampire Weekend). And, as you might guess with a lineup like that, it absolutely blew up.
But more on that soon.
Soaking in My Last Few Hours in the Mountains (Literally)
I spent the Wednesday morning before I left for Des Moines paddleboarding on the Hyalite Reservoir about 20 miles outside Bozeman. I woke up early, packed a dry bag with a book, sparkling water, and a towel, and drove my car through canyon roads. It was the first day in a week or two that the sky was actually clear. I could see clearly for miles, and I spent most of the drive looking at the crystal-clear peaks both up close and in the far distance. It was beautiful.
It didn’t really feel like I had a flight home in four hours, or at least it didn’t feel the way I expected it to. I thought I’d feel intense emotional and mental comfort from knowing I had “an out” to go home. When I lived in Charlotte, my flights home were sometimes the only thing I had to look forward to. And I expected it to feel liberating to fly home from Montana, just as it did when I lived in Charlotte. But why didn’t I have that same relief now?
I think it was because this trip, admittedly, has been everything I wanted it to be. Here I was, flying out of Montana in four hours, and I’m setting up my paddleboard in a gorgeous mountain reservoir. I live with friends who genuinely seemed bummed about our weekend apart, and I feel the same way. Things have changed for me. I love the place I live, and I felt empowered to enjoy my last few hours before leaving.
I pumped up the paddleboard in the mid-morning air and learned how to use it on the reservoir’s shore. I paddled around the lake and enjoyed the magnificent views around me. Mountains towered over me no matter where I looked, and I took mental note of the amazing hiking trails that led to each enormous peak. It was phenomenal. I knew I’d miss it when I left.
Grappling With My Homecoming Weekend
It wasn’t lost on me how different my life would be in a few short hours. Although I had only been in Bozeman for a few weeks, it felt like months. It’s such a different world, different culture, different Earth there that it felt like a completely new life. It was odd to know that my new world would be severed in favor of the one I left behind.
Although I anticipated to feel a distinct difference, it wasn’t until I got to Des Moines that I realized just how much my life changed since moving. Instead of adventure being at my fingertips at every hour, I sat patiently until 5:00 when all my friends would be off work. The best time to seize the day is in the morning, so what are y’all doing spending it in a cubicle every single day?
Instead of alpine lakes and hiking on the radar for hangout activities, I was invited to brunches, dinners, and happy hours. And I thought about it more. Did I really just spend yesterday morning paddleboarding on a gorgeous mountain lake, and now the most exciting activity is food? What is going on?
I’m not trying to say we don’t have brunch or dinner in Bozeman, but it dawned on me how much of an activity getting a meal or a drink used to be for me. Thinking back on it, it’s often the only thing I thought of TO do with my friends in Iowa. In Bozeman, I’d get meals with friends, and of course, we’ve been going out on the town for a few drinks, but it was often the precursor or post-game to another, more active plan.
It just kind of shocked me to realize how little nature was involved in plans here. I mean yes, of course Des Moines is cheaper than Bozeman, but how far does that money really go when you’re only hanging out with people by spending $30 on dinner and drinks? I think I prefer the other way.
It wasn’t only bad, though. Really, for me, it was the perfect weekend. I got to see all the people I love who I hadn’t seen in weeks, and I gained solace in knowing that Montana is the right place for me right now. It was a great reminder of the thing I always loved in Des Moines: the people. It reminded me how nice it was to be in their presence, and that I want to keep in contact with them. I also realized that my life in Bozeman truly is extremely different and in amazing ways.
And sorry to all Des Moines folk who may dislike my lackluster feelings towards this city. I didn’t write this blog to bag on Des Moines and whine about the differences I’m noticing now that I’m some annoying “enlightened” mountain man. I came back to Des Moines to see people I love and head-bang to music, and I’ve already seen the people I love so let’s get to it.
A Life-Long Love of Mine: Live Music
Hinterland is amazing. I’ve known about the festival for a while but only started going last year. It’s a great festival, and pretty unreal that it can be enjoyed by driving 25 minutes out of my home city. The weekend didn’t go off without a hitch, namely due to some mistakes made by the festival, exacerbated by the 95-degree heat all weekend. But, heat and sunshine weren’t going to stop my enthusiasm. I danced, sang, and sweat my ass off, and that’s exactly what I wanted.
At times I wanted a more chill weekend where I could actually hang out with all the people I wanted to in meaningful ways, but I can’t really complain about the way it all turned out.I saw so many bucket list artists of mine, hung out for most of the time with amazing people, and had full, amazing nights every single night of my trip. I couldn’t have asked for a better return.
A Weekend for Reminiscing and Looking Forward
It was the perfect weekend to make my next big life decision: after interviewing for winter positions, I’ve officially made my decision to work at a ski resort! Sorry Des Moines, but I will not be coming back to live for the winter, officially :). I interviewed for a position at Aspen Snowmass and got it! Starting this November, I will continue my vagabond dreams with more money in my pocket, more chances to meet more amazing people, and do it all while skiing some of the best mountains in America every single day.
But this is a more serious departure, even though it doesn’t feel like it. I’ll be away for a month and a half this time before I’m back in Des Moines. I’ll have fewer visitors and more time to explore myself and Montana. It’s exciting, and my mind is swimming with possibilities on what I might do with the time I have left.
The beauty of a new place as exciting as Bozeman is that the bucket list has no end in sight. There are mountains I need to climb, lakes I want to swim in, cities and parks I want to visit, and people I need to meet. I’m still engorged with possibility, and it’s exciting. It’s felt like a fever dream so far in the best way possible, but the dream isn’t over yet. And that’s amazing.
I’m on my way to Otherwhere, step by step.
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