I’ve realized we often don’t understand how trapped we are in our lives until we start looking for a way out. For a while, I was content – not happy, but “fine.” I knew my job wasn’t amazing, I knew I wasn’t living my dream, and I knew I was capable of more. But I didn’t feel trapped – just apathetic. I never thought I could do anything about it. It never occurred to me that something as drastic as quitting my job, becoming a nomad, and living amongst travelers and adventurers was possible for me.
Once I realized my life could take a different path, though, it dawned on me just how stuck I felt in the path I had been following. I suddenly couldn’t think about anything other than how I wanted to rebuild my life. How much would I have to change to be happy and proud of my choices?
Feeling the Effects of My Past Choices
My work decisions rippled into the rest of my life. As the word “stable” turned into “stuck,” I realized how many other aspects of my life suffered as a consequence of my lackluster choices. I locked myself into a lease I didn’t want, altered the timeline of my hopes and dreams, and dedicated my time to things I wasn’t passionate about.
Even outside of work, it was difficult to separate my life from my 9-5. It dictated my sleep schedule, my travel, the time I could spend with friends, and how much I could dedicate to my hobbies.
I accepted those sacrifices for a while because I thought I was “doing everything right,” and on the outside, I was. No one who took a traditional path would look at my life and think I did anything except make one right move after another. I had a stable job, a nice apartment, and a lifestyle that lent itself to fun nights with friends and maybe a weekend trip here and there. It was fun, but at the same time I felt so profoundly trapped – I just couldn’t see why yet.
Looking back, it’s confusing how I spent so many years in that apathetic position because I knew that travelers and adventurers existed and that they were living my dream life. They were doing everything I wanted for myself. I just never thought I could join them. The assumptions I made about my life as a fresh 20-something graduating college made it impossible to imagine a life where I might not use the major I spent so much time getting, or that I wouldn’t work for the companies I spent so much time applying for. I felt perpetually stuck in my previous choices, trying to convince myself that a path I didn’t care about anymore was still the right one.
Pushed to a Breaking Point
I began to resent my 12-month lease because it meant I could never leave. I resented my corporate job because I didn’t feel fulfilled through it. At the same time, people around me said I was foolish to even want more out of my job at such a young age. The whole culture around my corporate life was that I, as a young worker, was supposed to work long nights and weekends, sacrifice my free time, and do so enthusiastically. I realized just how foreign and, in some cases, discouraged the term “work-life balance” was in the companies I worked for, even if they outwardly encouraged it.
I thought about quitting, but I was told that quitting wasn’t an option. I couldn’t quit unless I worked at my job for at least a year so I didn’t seem like a “job-hopper.” And, even if I did quit, I had to find another office job first, preferably a promotion and preferably for a more prestigious company so it looks good on my resume. Well, I didn’t even know if I wanted another office job. I wanted to see if I could gain a life outside of a cubicle, but that involved quitting without getting a new job, which wasn’t a good idea! Do you see my dilemma? I was trapped.
Eventually, however, I was driven to an edge. After getting new job after new job, I wondered if I would ever have an office job that fulfilled me. Even as everyone around me gawked at my promotions, raises, and titles. It all felt hollow to me.
Turning Frustration Into Resolve
It was then, and only then, that I began to seriously consider another path. I knew vanlifers and vagabonds existed, but were those lifestyles really possible?
To look at the possibility realistically, I had to alter the perfect image most vanlifers and vagabonds project on social media and imagine what my life would truly look like in their shoes. I threw away the mental image of waking up every morning in my immaculate van, refreshed, beautiful, and two steps away from a beach, with only swimming and tanning in my plan for that day.
I considered how my personality would fit into the lifestyle – was there anything I needed to change to be happy? For example, I’m an extrovert, so how would I grapple with the loneliness of being isolated in a van? I have a lot of different hobbies, so how would I get the space to practice them? I got creative with the way I problem-solved my unique roadblocks to different ways of life. I quickly discovered new resources, new communities, and new jobs.
Most People Never Genuinely Wonder if They Can
I wondered why I never considered this change before, and then it hit me – in all those years I spent wishing for a different life, I never truly, genuinely wondered if I could. My limited idea of my capabilities and possible life paths stunted my ability to see something radically different. Even as I saw what people around me were capable of doing, I never actually considered it something I could do myself.
And don’t get me wrong, there were certainly reasons why this change was difficult, and why I spent so many years rejecting it. I had to break my lease, quit my job, and move away from friends and family.
But, something magical happened when I stopped seeing that stuff as excuses not to do it, but rather as obstacles to overcome.
I’m not saying that you need to quit your job, move away from family, and leave everything to have a fulfilling, vibrant life. In fact, I know that you don’t need to. But, I just think we’d all be better off if we saw something that we wanted, and spent more time genuinely wondering how we could get it rather than assuming we can’t. We’d be better off if we allowed our paths to change for the better rather than sticking with something lackluster simply because it’s the path we know.
So that’s my challenge to you today. Whether you want to learn how to play the guitar, volunteer more, go on that trip, or leave everything and move away, look into it with determination and an open mind. Just take the afternoon! Post up in a cafe, put your headphones on, and research. Chances are, there is a way to get what you want. You just need to stop wishing you could, and begin genuinely wondering and planning how you will.
